The Night I Stopped Dreaming

It has been our Saturday morning routine- we would open our eyes, not to get out of bed, but have our morning talk. In a marriage that’s so young, as the years add up, we won’t run out of stories to tell.

That particular morning, I turned to him, finally admitting in a whisper, “I stopped dreaming.”

My past has gifted me moments of pain and sacrifice... hurt after hurt... even before I healed. So I would close my eyes each night, not to go to sleep... but to paint dreams. They were vivid... clear. Pixel by pixel, I created my tomorrow to be better.

In the daytime, I’d count the hours, anticipating every nightfall. So I could again escape to a happier place I’d sketch in my canvas.

Until the night I stopped dreaming.

Has my well of dreams gone dry?




That morning, it occured to me...

The night I stopped dreaming, was the night we started thanking.

With him, the daybreak had come.

Me & My Geek!

When I was under the university spell, I fell for the bad-boy type. The one who swept me off my feet with the grandeur-of-it-all type! Entering the corporate bandwagon did me a complete 180. Until now, I couldn't find anything in common between the college-ex and the husband. Not that there should be any level of comparison. I'm just saying...

Yesterday's Three Takes episode on dating geeks had me jumping up and down. And I thought I was the only one drawn to geeks! Because apparently, geeks are chic! So I must not have fallen far behind.

My husband, actually, is not a geek geek, if I may say. I just found his strong engineering judgement and ethical management techniques admirable. Who wouldn't? He was the youngest engineering manager, he made the best reports, he supported the most difficult products, he executed the most challenging analysis, and he was looked up to by the newbies... like me, not so long ago.

And when a person who is known for his articulation, stutters, stammers and loses composure because you appear before him like his perfect Christmas morning, wouldn't your heart just melt?

Sure there may be geeky, superficial, shallow gaps here and there... but that's just what it is... superficial... shallow... some pop culture-influenced gaps in this materialistic era. They're of no importance to me. In fact, those vulnerabilities increase my fondness of him so much more (now if I could only send this blog to that person who had the most ghastly things to say about my engagement...)!

Because truly, after going beyond what the eye can see, I wouldn't trade anything in the world for my geek. Because when geeks love, they love so deep! And beneath my surface, I too, am some sort of a geek.

Accept? Decline?

It's funny how portable electronic systems
Otherwise known as laptops
Can bring huge distance
Between two people
On one couch.

Shall I ban laptops at home?
Because if I could bring in modular walls
And an electronics lab
The ambiance we got going now?
Perfectly suits our office.

Except that he's gaming.
And I'm facebooking.
But still.
The space. The laptops.
The cliche.
So near yet so far.

I should come up with an appropriate way
To break this silence.


Bing (bright idea)!
I am sending him an appointment request.
Through email.
In his outlook calendar.

Saying:

American Idol. In 5 minutes.
Accept? Decline?

Your Wife in Stilettos

rain check

saturday.
the husband left to work overtime.
did he just bail on me?
coz it. sucks.

i thought yesterday's new pair of shoes would pass as bribe.
well it just. does. not.

on second thought, he owes me big time today... i'm charging by the hour.
so a few more pairs shouldn't hurt now, should it (evil smirk)?
revenge is lovely when you take it on shoes (grins ear to ear in satisfaction)!

Having Kids Can End Marital Bliss?!

Is this going to scare the shoes off me?

Researchers at the University of Denver published an 8-year study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology that 90% of 218 couples experienced deterioration of marital satisfaction after the first child was born.

I don't have a take on this one. We're still planning for our first kid late this year or early next. I just figured this was a rather interesting share.

Full article: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/04/090408145351.htm.

Should We Join Bank Accounts After Marriage?

Dr Phil's quick take on joint account after marriage - "It depends." It depends on the couple's lifestyle, financial attitude and principles.

I learned from experience that when you money merge, logistics are simpler. However, since every financial activity becomes visible to each other, transparency is required. I found that this can bring a deeper sense of openness and honesty in a husband-wife relationship.

Maintaining separate accounts, on the other hand, celebrates freedom and independence. I learned, also from experience, that contributing responsibly to a 'household account', while maintaining your own personal savings gives you a sense of autonomy and accomplishment as individuals.

Yes, the hubby and I experimented on both to discover what better suits us. My quick take? There shouldn't be any hard rule on whether to join accounts after marriage or not. You should go with whatever works harmoniously, as a couple, in your family. Money is an aspect of married life we should discuss in a healthy open-minded manner. After all, whichever road we couples take, everyone's just working on the same goal- situating our families in a good financial position.

Love Languages

The recent Lenten season was timely to re-read pages of Gary Chapman's The Five Love Languages. This book was recommended by our Pastor to supplement our pre-nuptial counselling sessions two years ago.

According to the book, there are five love languages we use to express our love and feel loved.
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of service
5. Physical touch

To each its own. Especially in giving and accepting love. The fundamental concept was for me to discover my partner's love language, then leverage it to express my affection towards him. This way, he feels loved according to his definition of being loved, hence making his love tank is full. The objective is to continually use his love language to keep his love tank full. Otherwise, he may start looking for 'alternatives' to compensate for his half-empty love tank.

After discovering each other's love language, I can say that our love tanks have been kept to a healthy level so far. But our marriage is young that we need to constantly be reminded... If we don't fill each other's love tank up the right way, someone else might just will.

What is a Push Present?

Push presents were discussed on The Mom Show the other day and the idea was all entirely new to me. Apparently, recent gift-giving tradition in North America entitles wives to receive push presents from their hubbies after childbirth. And these gifts are not meant to be wrapped in frugal packages, mind you. They customarily come in forms of luxe and glitter.

Though I feel that the miracle of life should transcend all forms of lavish gifts, it's a gift I wish to open one day of course! After all, I don't mind accepting a memento that would always make me remember how I was appreciated for getting past the hardships of pregnancy and childbirth....... especially if it comes in 24 karats! Wink wink!

Did My Marital Bliss Ruin My Career?

The longest vacation I had in my 6-year career was during my wedding and honeymoon. Coming back to work, my honeymoon bliss became heroin, shaking my professional performance to shambles. The newly-married wife in me reasons it's normal and acceptable. The engineer in me thinks otherwise. The dilemma was to achieve an agreement between the two.

What did I do? I flashed three faces in my head.

1. My husband's. This is an excerpt from my wedding vow: "I will work by your side to achieve the things we value and dream of." For a couple starting anew, a career was fundamental in making goals come true.
2. Everyone else's. Because I'm a firm believer that you will continue to be blessed as long as you continue to be a blessing to others.
3. Mine, of course! After all, bidding goodbye to my career is bidding goodbye to vacation and shopping altogether. Now if that doesn't give me a good shake, I don't know what will : ).

Can marital bliss ruin a career? Personally, if the bliss can be steered in the right direction, it can be a catalyst of motivation. So every time I feel work's stresses getting to me, the wife in me would flash those faces in my head, so that the engineer in me could channel the motivation to productivity.